Thursday, November 23, 2006

Things Changed...

I can't help but notice that something in me has changed, my taste in men particular. No I'm not talking about the looks, because I don't go after a particular look, it really depends on the chemistry and the attraction.

Whereas before I liked more matured men, now I go for younger men to barely legal - hahaha. I don't know. When I was younger I wanted someone who is older than me, because I felt that boys my age were basically immature. Now I feel that I can withstand the immaturity, I now am after the physical stamina. Somebody who can satiate me.

Yeah I'm becoming a regular slut. I don't know why.

I think I've made a previous confession that I've never been in love, whether to a man or a woman. Oh well, now I'm saying this, I' ve always been attracted to men, with women however is a different story. I've dreamt of having sex with women, even had wet dreams involving women. I think and feel that I can get a hard on and actually have sex with a woman.

Looking for a guy who's about my height 5'11 - 6' in height is a bit of a challenge, or it could be that I go to the wrong places. But anyway last saturday, I met a very interesting guy, who is even taller than I am. I had an opportunity to move from first base to homebase had I not backed out at the last moment. Sigh.... Stupid, stupid, stupid. Hahahaha. From where I am, which was just beside him, I can see that he's hung. I know he was interested, I can see it from his eyes. Yun nga lang I got tyope. Tsk, tsk, tsk....

Anyway, I went home happy and contented, my partner certainly is buff. Nice abs by the way, flat washboard abs. He's sucking action was a bit boring, but it was compensated by the great face.

I really did change. Maybe it could be a result of my transition from a potential bottom (which I realized was not for me due to my height, and how awkward it may appear, me getting it up the ass from a midgie) to a dominating top.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I'm Outta Here

I never thought that the day would come when I finally have decided to pack my bags and move out of the Philippines for greener pasture.

Really, I thought that the only reason for me to leave the country is to go on a vacation in some tropical island at the carribean.

But now, things changed, priorities changed. I need to look after my family's best interests, I mean my dad and siblings' interests.

In a few weeks I'd be added to the statistics of Filipino migrant workers.

I really do not know what I'm feeling right now, a mixture of excitement and apprehension plus fear of the unknown.

These feelings brought me down on my knees, (not for what you're thinking). Last night I found myself praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament asking for guidance. I'm not just a slut/whore you know. I do know how to pray.

So yeah, last night during the mass, I prayed fervently. I am truly nervous as I embark on this new journey. I am hoping that everything will turn out for the better.

I'm outta here and I'm keeping my fabulous fingers crossed....

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

New Kid on The Block

There's a new kid on the block, or haven't you heard of him? I'm referring to David Poarch a.k.a Coconuter. In my warped and perverted world, writing about him would be the last thing on my mind. The chances of me meeting him in person is probably slim to none.

So why should I right about him?

One, I am making an exception in this case. I want to write something about him because I salute him. He's a rarity, particularly among our age bracket (20's).

If you can find someone willing to leave his/her comfortable life in the land of the Milk and Honey, in the land of Uncle Sam, and the land of opportunities, in exchange for a life in the third world known as Pearl of the Orient - Philippines, please introduce him to me.

Because this is exactly what David did. He left a good life, comfort and all of Houston, Texas to travel all the way here with next to nothing. In his blogsite http://coconuter.blogspot.com, he discussed how he felt the need to find purpose and meaning in his life, and he felt that he can only find it here in this country. So against his parents' wishes, he left chasing after that dream of making it big here in the Philippines.

You will discover how hard that new life is, but he's not complaining, in fact, just by reading it, you'll find out that he sounded happy and contented.

While every Filipino is dreaming of getting out of this hell hole, he decided to do the opposite and he came here with eyes wide open to the harsh realities of the Philippines.

Obviously, he is a very intelligent man, just by reading his short yet to the point entries. And on his resume you will find a very impressive list of credentials including the fact that he graduated at the top of his class, which I have no reason to doubt.

Why would anybody, much more a sane and intelligent person want to do such a drastic, foolish, seemingly stupid decision? Why leave everything behind to start anew in a land that cannot guarantee safe passage much more your next meal?

The answer is simple, only a courageous person with a sense of purpose could only do that. He was in search of something, but I think that he actually have found it already. He found a sense of self. Of knowing what you want and actually doing something to get it.

I myself cannot simply leave my comfort zone without any assurance that I'd get something good from doing it.

But David is different, the fact that he experienced hitting rock-bottom several times, he experienced depending to mother nature for his food, experienced eating champorado every meal for several days, thieves breaking into his house and stealing alot of his stuff including clothings and his digicam which he is using to document his life here. He experienced alot of things that I don't even want to imagine to happen to me.

These experiences actually made him richer rather than poor. He is enriching and nurturing his soul.

At the end of this entry, all I can say is that I envy him. I wish that I have the same guts, to do something some people might call insane but in fact is very logical.

To you Mr. David Eric Poarch, I salute you!!!

The half Filipino part of you is the one that is seeking for the answers and the sense of mission and purpose, and the half American part of you is the one that pushes you towards your dream.

Monday, November 06, 2006

And There He Was...

I used to hate him, well not just me but my friends way back in college. We were batchmates, we were taking the same course, but he belonged to a different block.

He dated my classmate, in fact they became a couple. She was intelligent and a great leader.

Again I repeat, I used to hate him, until something happened that changed the way that I feel for him.

No I do not, did not loved him. I was in full control of my faculties, however control of my libido and raging hormones is a different story.

Hate is such a strong word, maybe I ought to use the word despise. I despised him because he was a closet queen. I knew from the moment I first laid my eyes on him, I knew that he is gay. Even during the time he was going out with our class president, I know that he's gay. But he kept on denying the fact.

I used to ask myself "why do I give a fuck" about him. Whether he prefers cocks to pussies should not affect me one bit, that's his business. Maybe its just that I hated the fact that he's just trying to fool himself and in the process I felt that he was using my classmate, to cover his identity crisis. Or it could be that I just envied him. Courting a girl or actually entering a heterosexual relationship is something I cannot imagine doing. I can pass for a straight guy alright but I know and I've accepted the fact that I love men and I even love them more whenever they suck me or allow me to fuck them.

I digress. As I was saying, I used to despise him. The operative word being "despise".

During senior year, I had the opportunity to get to know him better. Just as I've suspected he's a first-class asshole. His attitude is way too crass for my taste. So every opportunity I got, I try to contradict, quash him and making him appear like an insipid, insignificant creature. We were always at each other's throats. We had a shouting match during practice for one of our presentations, he nearly had a heart attack when I asked him one time if he forgot to bring his IQ, because I hated his phoniness and his lame attempt to comment on one of our group projects.

As I've mentioned above, he was never my classmate, but that fact did not preclude him from moving within my social circle.

And so this continued for several months until one time, inside my room at the dorm where I was staying. He borrowed a notebook because he wanted to copy some notes. Forgetful that I am, I gave him the notebook only to remember that I scribbled some silly fantasies at the back page. And true to form, asshole that he is, he was reading the back page and he was laughing like an idiot. I immediately asked him to return my notebook to which he refused vehemently. So I told him that if he's not going to give the god-damn notebook back to me, I'd grab his cock. He said "sure" and so I did.

Just like the song from the campy movie High School Musical, it was the "start of something new."

Well I never thought that the day would come when my first teenage/pre-adult sexual encounter with another guy would be with him.

I sucked at sucking. True. And because of that, I discovered my cosmic purpose - to become the best TOP I could ever be.

The "relationship" went on for months, even after he left the dorm during second sem. He still came by my room to "visit" me. We showered together, we jerked off together.

He's got the biggest cock I've ever seen/sucked in my lifetime.

Funny thing though, despite this new found "relationship", it never stopped our bickerings. We both display genuine animosity whenever we are in the company of our batchmates.

Soon after graduation, we got separated. He went to a different review school and I went to another. After passing the board we both worked for different companies.

One time, I was applying to transfer to another company when I happened to chance upon him. I got his number. I tried inviting him again, but he refused saying that he's changed, that he doesn't want a repeat of what happened between us, not to me and not to anyone.

So I gave him that. Maybe he wanted to become "straight"

And so I thought, about two years later. I got word from some batch mates, that he's "out". Out to the world except his family.

I was asked to check his friendster account, and sure there were tell-tale signs that he was indeed out. Now he migrated to some other country, probably to spare his family, most of all his military man of a father, from embarassment. I know that his homosexuality is a very big no-no to his family.

I missed him. No I don't miss his company, he's a world class bitch, remember? But I definitely miss his scent, his beautiful face, his body, the way we fit each other in bed.

And NO, I'm not horny.