Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Escape from Reality

Shit, I'm in pain. God I'm so sorry but I doubt it.

I was browsing through my friends list in friendster when I saw the name of a good friend of mine. You see he was my bestfriend during primary and secondary schools. During college we got separated. He went to UP Diliman and I went to PLM.

He took up BS Math, then decided to change course and transfer to Economics. I, on the other hand, took up Accountancy. We didn't get to see each other very often. In fact, in the four years that we were separated, I've seen him about two or three times and we've managed to talk for about a few hours only, just to update each other on what's been happening in our lives.

Then last year, I tracked him down through friendster. I gave him my number and when his reply came he gave me his number as well. So I called him up and we talked for hours, knowing that I was at work at the time. It didn't matter. We talked like there's no tomorrow. It was as if we're still the best of friends like the old days.

During that long conversation, he admitted that he's gay. I have an inkling already, way back during elementary days. I should know we're bestfriends. But I respect him. And I know that he wasn't ready yet to admit to himself that he is gay. I myself had a hard time accepting the hard facts, it was only in sophomore year in college when I admitted to myself that I am gay.

So in that phone call, he told me that he had a boyfriend, in fact he lived with the guy for about two years. It happened while he was still in UP. And I was amazed, in fact I couldn't believe it. Here I am, thinking that I've been outgayed by my friend, who a few years back would take great lengths to deny his sexuality.

I felt happy for him, however he also admitted that he is not happy with his life. One thing that we have in common is our committment to serve the catholic church. Believe it or not, I do believe in God (well I reserve this for another entry). Anyway, he told me that he wanted to enter a higher vocation. That he is planning to enter a seminary. I told him not to rush into things, that he needs to be absolutely sure before making a decision.

I honestly do not feel happy for him, I felt that the reason for this is because he wanted to escape his reality. He wanted to deny to himself and to his God that he is a big queer. That he loves sucking dicks more than any other average gay man.

I shouldn't feel sorry for him, in fact I ought to be happy. Because he was courageous enough to make such a bold decision. But I can't. He's gay, we're gay and he shouldn't be there.

But come to think of it, he'll be closer to cocks more than ever. So where do I sign up????

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