Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Escape from Reality

Shit, I'm in pain. God I'm so sorry but I doubt it.

I was browsing through my friends list in friendster when I saw the name of a good friend of mine. You see he was my bestfriend during primary and secondary schools. During college we got separated. He went to UP Diliman and I went to PLM.

He took up BS Math, then decided to change course and transfer to Economics. I, on the other hand, took up Accountancy. We didn't get to see each other very often. In fact, in the four years that we were separated, I've seen him about two or three times and we've managed to talk for about a few hours only, just to update each other on what's been happening in our lives.

Then last year, I tracked him down through friendster. I gave him my number and when his reply came he gave me his number as well. So I called him up and we talked for hours, knowing that I was at work at the time. It didn't matter. We talked like there's no tomorrow. It was as if we're still the best of friends like the old days.

During that long conversation, he admitted that he's gay. I have an inkling already, way back during elementary days. I should know we're bestfriends. But I respect him. And I know that he wasn't ready yet to admit to himself that he is gay. I myself had a hard time accepting the hard facts, it was only in sophomore year in college when I admitted to myself that I am gay.

So in that phone call, he told me that he had a boyfriend, in fact he lived with the guy for about two years. It happened while he was still in UP. And I was amazed, in fact I couldn't believe it. Here I am, thinking that I've been outgayed by my friend, who a few years back would take great lengths to deny his sexuality.

I felt happy for him, however he also admitted that he is not happy with his life. One thing that we have in common is our committment to serve the catholic church. Believe it or not, I do believe in God (well I reserve this for another entry). Anyway, he told me that he wanted to enter a higher vocation. That he is planning to enter a seminary. I told him not to rush into things, that he needs to be absolutely sure before making a decision.

I honestly do not feel happy for him, I felt that the reason for this is because he wanted to escape his reality. He wanted to deny to himself and to his God that he is a big queer. That he loves sucking dicks more than any other average gay man.

I shouldn't feel sorry for him, in fact I ought to be happy. Because he was courageous enough to make such a bold decision. But I can't. He's gay, we're gay and he shouldn't be there.

But come to think of it, he'll be closer to cocks more than ever. So where do I sign up????

Monday, October 16, 2006

Fuck Bisexuality

And so I was reading a blog earlier. The entries were short yet to the point. A+ for the blogger. So I decided to browse through his past entries, I thought I was actually enjoying reading his blogs when suddenly like a bomb, I saw the fucking word that I hate... BI. He's claiming that he is bisexual.

Allow me to kiss this barf bag first before I continue. I have nothing personal against bi-people. Well whatever keeps you happy, right? I just don't get the concept of bisexuality.

There might be people who enjoy fucking both men and women, but still I believe that these people, no matter what they say or claim, enjoy fucking with the same sex more than the other. Can I have a show of hands for this?

So what makes them then? Its obvious really, they're homos, just like moi! Gays who for the love of God cannot find acceptance that easy. Gays who kept on deluding themselves that they are straight, yet they just love sucking dicks and sticking them up their asses.

Gays had been classified by "society" in general to belong to the third sex, somewhere in between the male and the female gender. We are a class, a division of our own. There is no middle-middle sex. An in between being gay, being a man and/or being a woman.

Bisexuality is preposterous.

Once and for all let us just admit to ourselves that we're queers, that we like sucking cocks more than eating pussies.

It just pisses me off, whenever I hear claims such as this.

Newsflash, you can be gay without losing musculinity. This is not impossible. You can be a muscle mary, you can be whatever that you want to be. Afterall, musculinity and being a "real man" should not be based on gender preference. The principles that we live by define whether we are "real men" or not.

Most men does not have the courage to face the consequences of their actions, so would you still call them "real men"?

So if you are offended by this entry, go suck a cock and tell me that you like eating pussies.

I say fuck bisexuality and just come out of the closet for crying out loud. Let's all be gay and happy.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Recto (Tales from the Sinehan)

Dapat pala hindi recto ang title ng entry na to, siguro dapat pinamagatan ko tong Quiapo. Bakit kamo etong mga lugar na ito ang gusto kong gamiting title? Kase sa mga lugar na to ko unang naranasan ng tunay na kahulugan ng salitang sex.

Oo, kagagraduate ko palang nun ng college, galing ako sa review school sa Recto. Pauwi na ko nun nang una kong mapansin yung isang sinehan sa may malapit sa Raon. Ginto Theater yata pangalan nito noon. Year 2000 to.

Una dinadaan daanan ko lang to, tipong wala lang, deadma, kailangang magmadali dahil kelangang mag aral para sa pre-board exam. Laging ganon ang ruta ko.

So noong hapon na yon, wala lang naisip ko lang na pasukin ko ang lugar.

Naalala ko yung kaba sa dibdib ko nun. Syempre kakaibang experience yun di ba? Wala kang kaide-idea kung ano ang meron sa loob non, sinong mga tao ang naandon so natural lang na matakot at kabahan.

So yun nga, nagbayad ako ng P30, double film na yun. Dahan dahan akong pumasok sa lugar at umakyat sa pagkahaba-habang hagdan. Pumasok ako sa loob ng sinehan. Dun ako sa orchestra lang (virgin pa ko nito) naupo.

Ganito ang eksena sa loob - so madilim, as in super dark sa loob, medyo hindi kagandahan ang amoy - parang malansa na ewan. Siyempre di ko pa alam nung una kung san nanggagaling ang amoy na yun.

So yun nga, naghintay ako sandali para makapag adjust yung mata ko sa dilim, at nang malinaw na sa akin yung looban ng sinehan eh nagulat ako. Ano to, bakit ang daming taong nakatayo? Ang dami naman upuan, pero yung mga nanonood eh panay ang lakad at parang hindi mapakali. Lakad dito, lakad dun, lipat ng upuan dito, lipat ng upuan doon. Weird talaga yung eksena nung una.

So okay naupo ako. 20 years old lang ako nun, fresh meat pa ika nga. (26 lang ako ngayon so slightly fresh pa rin!) Naupo ako sa likod, di nagtagal may lumapit sa akin. Pa innocent effect pa ko nun. Di ko alam kung pano tatanggi sa taong tumatabi sa akin, lalo na kung ayaw ko sa kanya. Helpless ako nung una, kung sino makatabi sa akin, jackpot dahil di ako marunong humindi.

Anyway, yun nga, may tumabi kaagad sa akin. Parang weird yung dating nung pagtabi niya sa akin, to think na ang luwag ng sinehan. Pero mayamaya nakuha ko na ang intention niya. Kase mayamaya din lang eh may kamay ng gumagapang sa hita ko. Una tentative moves lang, yung tipong nasasagi lang ng kamay niya yung tuhod ko. So deadma din lang ako.

Pero nung tuluyan ng gumapang yung kamay niya sa kanang leg ko, eh wala na akong nagawa. Yung una kong experience eh hand job lang with a guy who is slightly older than me. Ewan ko kung bakit hindi niya ko bini-jay (bj), feeling ko nahihiya siya or something. Pero iba ang pakiramdam ko, talagang ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko sa excitement na may ibang tao na humahawak sa etits ko. Kaya naman parang eruption ng pinatubo yung nangyari sa akin. Buti na lang may extra akong panyo (buti na rin lang naalala kong labahan yung panyo na yun - kung hindi patay!)

Eto ang simula ng mga adventures ko sa dilim. At hanggang ngayon eh patuloy ko pa ring ginagawa. Bakit kamo? ewan ko.

Basta itutuloy ko pa ang iba kong kwento sa susunod na mga entries.