Thursday, November 23, 2006

Things Changed...

I can't help but notice that something in me has changed, my taste in men particular. No I'm not talking about the looks, because I don't go after a particular look, it really depends on the chemistry and the attraction.

Whereas before I liked more matured men, now I go for younger men to barely legal - hahaha. I don't know. When I was younger I wanted someone who is older than me, because I felt that boys my age were basically immature. Now I feel that I can withstand the immaturity, I now am after the physical stamina. Somebody who can satiate me.

Yeah I'm becoming a regular slut. I don't know why.

I think I've made a previous confession that I've never been in love, whether to a man or a woman. Oh well, now I'm saying this, I' ve always been attracted to men, with women however is a different story. I've dreamt of having sex with women, even had wet dreams involving women. I think and feel that I can get a hard on and actually have sex with a woman.

Looking for a guy who's about my height 5'11 - 6' in height is a bit of a challenge, or it could be that I go to the wrong places. But anyway last saturday, I met a very interesting guy, who is even taller than I am. I had an opportunity to move from first base to homebase had I not backed out at the last moment. Sigh.... Stupid, stupid, stupid. Hahahaha. From where I am, which was just beside him, I can see that he's hung. I know he was interested, I can see it from his eyes. Yun nga lang I got tyope. Tsk, tsk, tsk....

Anyway, I went home happy and contented, my partner certainly is buff. Nice abs by the way, flat washboard abs. He's sucking action was a bit boring, but it was compensated by the great face.

I really did change. Maybe it could be a result of my transition from a potential bottom (which I realized was not for me due to my height, and how awkward it may appear, me getting it up the ass from a midgie) to a dominating top.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I'm Outta Here

I never thought that the day would come when I finally have decided to pack my bags and move out of the Philippines for greener pasture.

Really, I thought that the only reason for me to leave the country is to go on a vacation in some tropical island at the carribean.

But now, things changed, priorities changed. I need to look after my family's best interests, I mean my dad and siblings' interests.

In a few weeks I'd be added to the statistics of Filipino migrant workers.

I really do not know what I'm feeling right now, a mixture of excitement and apprehension plus fear of the unknown.

These feelings brought me down on my knees, (not for what you're thinking). Last night I found myself praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament asking for guidance. I'm not just a slut/whore you know. I do know how to pray.

So yeah, last night during the mass, I prayed fervently. I am truly nervous as I embark on this new journey. I am hoping that everything will turn out for the better.

I'm outta here and I'm keeping my fabulous fingers crossed....

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

New Kid on The Block

There's a new kid on the block, or haven't you heard of him? I'm referring to David Poarch a.k.a Coconuter. In my warped and perverted world, writing about him would be the last thing on my mind. The chances of me meeting him in person is probably slim to none.

So why should I right about him?

One, I am making an exception in this case. I want to write something about him because I salute him. He's a rarity, particularly among our age bracket (20's).

If you can find someone willing to leave his/her comfortable life in the land of the Milk and Honey, in the land of Uncle Sam, and the land of opportunities, in exchange for a life in the third world known as Pearl of the Orient - Philippines, please introduce him to me.

Because this is exactly what David did. He left a good life, comfort and all of Houston, Texas to travel all the way here with next to nothing. In his blogsite, he discussed how he felt the need to find purpose and meaning in his life, and he felt that he can only find it here in this country. So against his parents' wishes, he left chasing after that dream of making it big here in the Philippines.

You will discover how hard that new life is, but he's not complaining, in fact, just by reading it, you'll find out that he sounded happy and contented.

While every Filipino is dreaming of getting out of this hell hole, he decided to do the opposite and he came here with eyes wide open to the harsh realities of the Philippines.

Obviously, he is a very intelligent man, just by reading his short yet to the point entries. And on his resume you will find a very impressive list of credentials including the fact that he graduated at the top of his class, which I have no reason to doubt.

Why would anybody, much more a sane and intelligent person want to do such a drastic, foolish, seemingly stupid decision? Why leave everything behind to start anew in a land that cannot guarantee safe passage much more your next meal?

The answer is simple, only a courageous person with a sense of purpose could only do that. He was in search of something, but I think that he actually have found it already. He found a sense of self. Of knowing what you want and actually doing something to get it.

I myself cannot simply leave my comfort zone without any assurance that I'd get something good from doing it.

But David is different, the fact that he experienced hitting rock-bottom several times, he experienced depending to mother nature for his food, experienced eating champorado every meal for several days, thieves breaking into his house and stealing alot of his stuff including clothings and his digicam which he is using to document his life here. He experienced alot of things that I don't even want to imagine to happen to me.

These experiences actually made him richer rather than poor. He is enriching and nurturing his soul.

At the end of this entry, all I can say is that I envy him. I wish that I have the same guts, to do something some people might call insane but in fact is very logical.

To you Mr. David Eric Poarch, I salute you!!!

The half Filipino part of you is the one that is seeking for the answers and the sense of mission and purpose, and the half American part of you is the one that pushes you towards your dream.

Monday, November 06, 2006

And There He Was...

I used to hate him, well not just me but my friends way back in college. We were batchmates, we were taking the same course, but he belonged to a different block.

He dated my classmate, in fact they became a couple. She was intelligent and a great leader.

Again I repeat, I used to hate him, until something happened that changed the way that I feel for him.

No I do not, did not loved him. I was in full control of my faculties, however control of my libido and raging hormones is a different story.

Hate is such a strong word, maybe I ought to use the word despise. I despised him because he was a closet queen. I knew from the moment I first laid my eyes on him, I knew that he is gay. Even during the time he was going out with our class president, I know that he's gay. But he kept on denying the fact.

I used to ask myself "why do I give a fuck" about him. Whether he prefers cocks to pussies should not affect me one bit, that's his business. Maybe its just that I hated the fact that he's just trying to fool himself and in the process I felt that he was using my classmate, to cover his identity crisis. Or it could be that I just envied him. Courting a girl or actually entering a heterosexual relationship is something I cannot imagine doing. I can pass for a straight guy alright but I know and I've accepted the fact that I love men and I even love them more whenever they suck me or allow me to fuck them.

I digress. As I was saying, I used to despise him. The operative word being "despise".

During senior year, I had the opportunity to get to know him better. Just as I've suspected he's a first-class asshole. His attitude is way too crass for my taste. So every opportunity I got, I try to contradict, quash him and making him appear like an insipid, insignificant creature. We were always at each other's throats. We had a shouting match during practice for one of our presentations, he nearly had a heart attack when I asked him one time if he forgot to bring his IQ, because I hated his phoniness and his lame attempt to comment on one of our group projects.

As I've mentioned above, he was never my classmate, but that fact did not preclude him from moving within my social circle.

And so this continued for several months until one time, inside my room at the dorm where I was staying. He borrowed a notebook because he wanted to copy some notes. Forgetful that I am, I gave him the notebook only to remember that I scribbled some silly fantasies at the back page. And true to form, asshole that he is, he was reading the back page and he was laughing like an idiot. I immediately asked him to return my notebook to which he refused vehemently. So I told him that if he's not going to give the god-damn notebook back to me, I'd grab his cock. He said "sure" and so I did.

Just like the song from the campy movie High School Musical, it was the "start of something new."

Well I never thought that the day would come when my first teenage/pre-adult sexual encounter with another guy would be with him.

I sucked at sucking. True. And because of that, I discovered my cosmic purpose - to become the best TOP I could ever be.

The "relationship" went on for months, even after he left the dorm during second sem. He still came by my room to "visit" me. We showered together, we jerked off together.

He's got the biggest cock I've ever seen/sucked in my lifetime.

Funny thing though, despite this new found "relationship", it never stopped our bickerings. We both display genuine animosity whenever we are in the company of our batchmates.

Soon after graduation, we got separated. He went to a different review school and I went to another. After passing the board we both worked for different companies.

One time, I was applying to transfer to another company when I happened to chance upon him. I got his number. I tried inviting him again, but he refused saying that he's changed, that he doesn't want a repeat of what happened between us, not to me and not to anyone.

So I gave him that. Maybe he wanted to become "straight"

And so I thought, about two years later. I got word from some batch mates, that he's "out". Out to the world except his family.

I was asked to check his friendster account, and sure there were tell-tale signs that he was indeed out. Now he migrated to some other country, probably to spare his family, most of all his military man of a father, from embarassment. I know that his homosexuality is a very big no-no to his family.

I missed him. No I don't miss his company, he's a world class bitch, remember? But I definitely miss his scent, his beautiful face, his body, the way we fit each other in bed.

And NO, I'm not horny.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Escape from Reality

Shit, I'm in pain. God I'm so sorry but I doubt it.

I was browsing through my friends list in friendster when I saw the name of a good friend of mine. You see he was my bestfriend during primary and secondary schools. During college we got separated. He went to UP Diliman and I went to PLM.

He took up BS Math, then decided to change course and transfer to Economics. I, on the other hand, took up Accountancy. We didn't get to see each other very often. In fact, in the four years that we were separated, I've seen him about two or three times and we've managed to talk for about a few hours only, just to update each other on what's been happening in our lives.

Then last year, I tracked him down through friendster. I gave him my number and when his reply came he gave me his number as well. So I called him up and we talked for hours, knowing that I was at work at the time. It didn't matter. We talked like there's no tomorrow. It was as if we're still the best of friends like the old days.

During that long conversation, he admitted that he's gay. I have an inkling already, way back during elementary days. I should know we're bestfriends. But I respect him. And I know that he wasn't ready yet to admit to himself that he is gay. I myself had a hard time accepting the hard facts, it was only in sophomore year in college when I admitted to myself that I am gay.

So in that phone call, he told me that he had a boyfriend, in fact he lived with the guy for about two years. It happened while he was still in UP. And I was amazed, in fact I couldn't believe it. Here I am, thinking that I've been outgayed by my friend, who a few years back would take great lengths to deny his sexuality.

I felt happy for him, however he also admitted that he is not happy with his life. One thing that we have in common is our committment to serve the catholic church. Believe it or not, I do believe in God (well I reserve this for another entry). Anyway, he told me that he wanted to enter a higher vocation. That he is planning to enter a seminary. I told him not to rush into things, that he needs to be absolutely sure before making a decision.

I honestly do not feel happy for him, I felt that the reason for this is because he wanted to escape his reality. He wanted to deny to himself and to his God that he is a big queer. That he loves sucking dicks more than any other average gay man.

I shouldn't feel sorry for him, in fact I ought to be happy. Because he was courageous enough to make such a bold decision. But I can't. He's gay, we're gay and he shouldn't be there.

But come to think of it, he'll be closer to cocks more than ever. So where do I sign up????

Monday, October 16, 2006

Fuck Bisexuality

And so I was reading a blog earlier. The entries were short yet to the point. A+ for the blogger. So I decided to browse through his past entries, I thought I was actually enjoying reading his blogs when suddenly like a bomb, I saw the fucking word that I hate... BI. He's claiming that he is bisexual.

Allow me to kiss this barf bag first before I continue. I have nothing personal against bi-people. Well whatever keeps you happy, right? I just don't get the concept of bisexuality.

There might be people who enjoy fucking both men and women, but still I believe that these people, no matter what they say or claim, enjoy fucking with the same sex more than the other. Can I have a show of hands for this?

So what makes them then? Its obvious really, they're homos, just like moi! Gays who for the love of God cannot find acceptance that easy. Gays who kept on deluding themselves that they are straight, yet they just love sucking dicks and sticking them up their asses.

Gays had been classified by "society" in general to belong to the third sex, somewhere in between the male and the female gender. We are a class, a division of our own. There is no middle-middle sex. An in between being gay, being a man and/or being a woman.

Bisexuality is preposterous.

Once and for all let us just admit to ourselves that we're queers, that we like sucking cocks more than eating pussies.

It just pisses me off, whenever I hear claims such as this.

Newsflash, you can be gay without losing musculinity. This is not impossible. You can be a muscle mary, you can be whatever that you want to be. Afterall, musculinity and being a "real man" should not be based on gender preference. The principles that we live by define whether we are "real men" or not.

Most men does not have the courage to face the consequences of their actions, so would you still call them "real men"?

So if you are offended by this entry, go suck a cock and tell me that you like eating pussies.

I say fuck bisexuality and just come out of the closet for crying out loud. Let's all be gay and happy.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Recto (Tales from the Sinehan)

Dapat pala hindi recto ang title ng entry na to, siguro dapat pinamagatan ko tong Quiapo. Bakit kamo etong mga lugar na ito ang gusto kong gamiting title? Kase sa mga lugar na to ko unang naranasan ng tunay na kahulugan ng salitang sex.

Oo, kagagraduate ko palang nun ng college, galing ako sa review school sa Recto. Pauwi na ko nun nang una kong mapansin yung isang sinehan sa may malapit sa Raon. Ginto Theater yata pangalan nito noon. Year 2000 to.

Una dinadaan daanan ko lang to, tipong wala lang, deadma, kailangang magmadali dahil kelangang mag aral para sa pre-board exam. Laging ganon ang ruta ko.

So noong hapon na yon, wala lang naisip ko lang na pasukin ko ang lugar.

Naalala ko yung kaba sa dibdib ko nun. Syempre kakaibang experience yun di ba? Wala kang kaide-idea kung ano ang meron sa loob non, sinong mga tao ang naandon so natural lang na matakot at kabahan.

So yun nga, nagbayad ako ng P30, double film na yun. Dahan dahan akong pumasok sa lugar at umakyat sa pagkahaba-habang hagdan. Pumasok ako sa loob ng sinehan. Dun ako sa orchestra lang (virgin pa ko nito) naupo.

Ganito ang eksena sa loob - so madilim, as in super dark sa loob, medyo hindi kagandahan ang amoy - parang malansa na ewan. Siyempre di ko pa alam nung una kung san nanggagaling ang amoy na yun.

So yun nga, naghintay ako sandali para makapag adjust yung mata ko sa dilim, at nang malinaw na sa akin yung looban ng sinehan eh nagulat ako. Ano to, bakit ang daming taong nakatayo? Ang dami naman upuan, pero yung mga nanonood eh panay ang lakad at parang hindi mapakali. Lakad dito, lakad dun, lipat ng upuan dito, lipat ng upuan doon. Weird talaga yung eksena nung una.

So okay naupo ako. 20 years old lang ako nun, fresh meat pa ika nga. (26 lang ako ngayon so slightly fresh pa rin!) Naupo ako sa likod, di nagtagal may lumapit sa akin. Pa innocent effect pa ko nun. Di ko alam kung pano tatanggi sa taong tumatabi sa akin, lalo na kung ayaw ko sa kanya. Helpless ako nung una, kung sino makatabi sa akin, jackpot dahil di ako marunong humindi.

Anyway, yun nga, may tumabi kaagad sa akin. Parang weird yung dating nung pagtabi niya sa akin, to think na ang luwag ng sinehan. Pero mayamaya nakuha ko na ang intention niya. Kase mayamaya din lang eh may kamay ng gumagapang sa hita ko. Una tentative moves lang, yung tipong nasasagi lang ng kamay niya yung tuhod ko. So deadma din lang ako.

Pero nung tuluyan ng gumapang yung kamay niya sa kanang leg ko, eh wala na akong nagawa. Yung una kong experience eh hand job lang with a guy who is slightly older than me. Ewan ko kung bakit hindi niya ko bini-jay (bj), feeling ko nahihiya siya or something. Pero iba ang pakiramdam ko, talagang ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko sa excitement na may ibang tao na humahawak sa etits ko. Kaya naman parang eruption ng pinatubo yung nangyari sa akin. Buti na lang may extra akong panyo (buti na rin lang naalala kong labahan yung panyo na yun - kung hindi patay!)

Eto ang simula ng mga adventures ko sa dilim. At hanggang ngayon eh patuloy ko pa ring ginagawa. Bakit kamo? ewan ko.

Basta itutuloy ko pa ang iba kong kwento sa susunod na mga entries.